My birthday was just the other day.Oh,how time flies!I feel old,yet young.I am standing in front of the mirror,looking,admiring,scrutinizing,even frowning at my image.I study the lines at my face,accrued from moments of both happiness and grief.I look at now my wisened eyes,happy,yet sad.I have lived a full life.I have achieved quite a lot too.Yet i have regrets here and there.And i have a story to tell.
I remember a time when a friend would tell me how interesting i was,that they could write a book about me.Maybe it is time to do that,i muse.Then i remember the friend who totally put me down;heartbroken,i spent sleepless nights.My minds wanders to a time when i was terribly young and naive.Then I was untainted-i wore tinted glasses,whose colour i chose to see my life through.
Had i known what i know now,i would kick myself hard for not taking up that job offer just because it was out of the town and i was worried about how i was going to survive without familiar faces around me.
Had i known what i know now,i would have laughed harder and cried when i felt like it,knowing that it was okay.
I would have said 'NO' that offer that i really did not fancy,but which i felt obliged to say 'YES' to.I would have stood up for myself,not caring what others had to say.
Had i known what i now know,i would not have feared the unknown.I would meet each experience with the excitement and wander that only a child seems to posses.I would have lived each day like it was my last.
Had i known then,what i know now,i would have appreciated all types of weather,i would basked in the sun,soaking in the rays and come rain,i would have welcomed it,even play in it.Then i would have felt the grass with my bare feet.I would have listened to the trees sway in the wind.I would have stopped my business and stared in the horizon,just because.
I have cheered my team louder,hitting the ball hard and losing myself in the game.I would have welcomed the challenge to climb that mountain,to build that fire,to go for that marathon.
Had i known what i know now,i would have been considerate,yet firm about my needs.I would have taken disappointments in my stride,knowing that they come and go.I would have been more kind and honest to myself and others.I would have enjoyed the experiences of my school days more,knowing that would be the only time i would be at a par with my classmates.
Lastly i would have loved with all my mighty and with no conditions at that.I would have been more forgiving.I would have been more daring and adventurous.I would have savored in the joy of making a home;i would have drunk in the love i saw in a child's eyes and i would have appreciated that it is the small things in life that really matters like a stranger's kindness.
But all is not lost.I have my entire future in front of me,to live as now i wish.Beginning now,im starting my life all over again.Because now i know.
So wish me well...From a golden heart.
Its Nzisa.
